Before
understanding how to control anger, we should understand why to control it. It
is said that do not fix something which is not broken. So, if it is not needed
to control anger, do not control it. The reason to control anger should be very
clear to you and you should feel that it is really a necessity to control your
anger and you are not able to do so. Then only the following advice will apply.
So please do not read further and waste your and other’s time if you are not
sure or not clear why controlling / managing anger is necessary.
If
someone will ask me, what is the reason to manage anger, then I will say that
anger has such an amount of potential that it can destroy you, people around
you and even this world. People who have understood this very dangerous
potential of anger, can understand the reasons to control / manage it. In my
opinion, it needs to be controlled if it is excessive and if it is channelized
in a wrong direction.
The
direction of self-destruction is surely a wrong direction. So, if you feel that
your anger can destroy you, read on. I will try to share some ideas to control
/ manage / channelize it.
Many a
times we are not able to understand if we are angry. There is this confusion
many a times because people may think we are angry and we might think that we
are not or vice a versa. So, identifying the physical signs of anger are very
necessary. So, we might not share it with others if not needed but we can be
true to ourselves that yes, we are angry now.
One of
the signs of anger is increased breathing. Some people might feel headache or
they may feel like crying or shouting or throwing things around. Some might not
be able to think something else. Some might not be able to concentrate on their
normal work. It is true that sometime there is this kind of strange happiness
one feels when they are angry. Maybe it is the ability to control the
surrounding. One feels that they are in charge of the situation and can do a
lot of work and can turn the situation at any side by will. This kind of
happiness is also a sign of anger in my opinion.
Anger has
something to do with your ego as well. After understanding some of the physical
signs of the anger, lets try to understand the seat of anger. The place from
where anger emerges. I am trying to share this based on my understanding and
based on my learning in Chinmay Yuva Kendra and my own contemplation. I do not
remember now the places from which I have collected this knowledge / wisdom
hence I must thank all those sources who helped me to understand this. So, I
was saying that anger has something to do with our ego. If we understand that
ego reduction is the aim of Indian philosophy, (one need not share it with
others because otherwise they may take undue advantage of this if they know
that you are trying to reduce your ego) then it becomes very easy for us to
understand the need of anger reduction.
Now I am
going to share an idea shared by Naidu sir as how to deal when something is
making you angry and you should get angry by normal cultural norms but your aim
is ego reduction and hence you are in a dilemma. In that case we need to get
angry but not angry for real. It should be like when we get angry on a child.
We have to make the child aware that what he is doing is not appreciated but at
the same time we do not wish to harm the child. In that case we have to just
show that we are angry and then have to leave the topic. Getting angry for
longer time or being in the emotion of anger for longer time is not a good thing.
So sometimes we might have to get angry just to threaten someone but as the
work is done, we should leave the hand of anger and start walking on the path
of our work.
Still
there are possibilities that you will get angry. You must be aware that there
are people around you who can understand your behaviour and can provoke the
anger. Some people can really manipulate you and can make you angry for real
though you decide not to get angry. I am not saying that these people are bad
people always. Nor are they with bad intent always. Nor they understand
themselves that they are provoking you. But as I said earlier, as there is a
kind of fun in getting angry, there is also a kind of fun in making someone
angry. After getting angry, you feel that the situation is under your control
sometimes and after making you angry, some people feel that they can control
you so they find it funny. It is true that it is not a good thing to have this
kind of fun but most of the time people are not aware that they are doing it,
they are not aware of the fuller consequences of it and also, they do not do it
with bad intention many a times. They might simply do it because they are
innocent or because they are just bored. As Prasoon Joshi mentioned in one of
his articles, that cruelty goes with innocence. Culture is teaching rules of
dos and don’ts. So, some people simply might be aware of these rules and some
are not or they have not taken efforts to learn these rules because learning is
a resource consuming activity.
So,
whatever you try to do, some people might annoy you at any time. They have
potential to annoy you any time. The question is not why they behave so. They
behave so because they feel like and they will have to face the consequences in
some cases at least. But that is their lookout. The thing important for us is
how we should behave when we are provoked for anger? How to refuse to get angry
in these situations? How to not to destroy our relations with them and others
in the rage of anger? How not to cross boundaries of anger and how not to anger
let overpower you? Yes, that can happen and that is the most dangerous thing
which can happen to anyone while dealing with anger. That we might give the
control of our life in the hands of anger and we are simply drifting away. What
happens when that happens? Well, you might not be alive next time to read this
if you allow that to happen.
Anger,
when gone out of control only causes pain. It only causes losses and shame and
guilt. All the negative emotions are associated with anger when it subsides and
if it had taken your charge even for a fraction of second. Because you don’t
remain you at that time. You don’t understand who you are and what is happening
around you and you do not understand anything which a normal person can understand
in that state of mind. You just keep feeling the pleasure in that emotion and
you remain unaware what damages you are doing to you, to people around you or
to the community at large.
But then,
does it mean that we should accept whatever comes to us? Should nothing make us
angry at all? Should we remove this emotion of anger from our mind forever if
it is possible? First of all, it is not possible to do so. It is not possible
to remove the emotion of anger from our mind because it has something to do
with our survival. So, thinking to remove the anger is a kind of dream which
can never get fulfilled. But then what we are expected to do when anger still
comes?
Let me
tell you honestly that there is no fixed answer for this question. There are
certain tricks which may work at certain times and they may fail at certain
times. We can just try to reduce the magnitude of damages when anger takes over
by applying these tricks so that anger never crosses a certain level of limit.
That
brings me to the point of defining our limits. We need to define the limits of
maximum damages we can do or the maximum extent to which we can go if we get
most angry. It can vary from person to person and for the same person at
different situations.
Some of
the tricks to deal with anger when you find that there are signs of anger in
you as mentioned above are as follows – You can cut the communication when you
have made your point. An angry person may feel that he is not able to make his
point and hence he tries to make his point and makes repeated efforts. But once
we are angry, we have to understand that we have made enough efforts so it is
time to reduce / stop the efforts. It might sound very unattractive thing to do
when we are in the situation. The thing we feel like doing at that time is to
put in more efforts but if we have already made our point and if the person is
not ready to understand it, the efforts are to be done by the other person and
not you. Think how close the person is to you. If the person is not much close
to you, then put the burden of understanding the point on him / her. If there
is possibility that he might forget the point and you also might forget the
point, then simply document the point somewhere and send the message to him /
her. I would suggest to write a mail which clearly mentions your point and send
it.
But do
not communicate much in writing too when you are angry. Why? Why not? I will
try to explain it sometime later. So, we have learned at least one trick now to
deal with anger and that is to stop the communication after you have made your
point. Remember, this hurts us inwards. Not communicating hurts. It is painful.
But we need to understand that explaining our position further is a waste of
time at that time and it might hurt more if we get angry and give our control
in the hands of the anger. Hence stop communication and communicate the point
in a different way other than talking. Communicate it once and then again do
not react to the response which will come back in reaction to your action.
Anger management is all about breaking this action reaction chain.
Please
note that I have not mentioned to forgive or to forget. I have just mentioned
to stop communicating about that particular thing when you are sure that you
have made your point.
This thought came to my mind recently. After getting
involved in certain research studies which tries to measure behaviour and its
impact on the health, I have understood that our behaviour is linked with our
health. By modulating behaviour, we can change health outcomes. It is not that
easily visible but it is true.
Let me take an example. A person having hypertension
can reduce his blood pressure just by reducing his weight if the hypertension
is caused because of increased weight. So, without medication he can remain disease
free if he chooses to change his eating behaviour and reduces weight. Another example
is – if we are sitting in a wrong way (wrong posture), we might face issues
like backache and by correcting our sitting posture, we can help treat our
backache. Many of the examples in ‘occupational health’ domain can be cited
here.
So, let’s understand that our behaviour is responsible
for diseases or its treatment. Certain behaviours can create certain diseases
and certain behaviours can be a treatment for those diseases.
Once we understand this, the point will be clear which
I am going to mention next. That in the similar way, even our thoughts are responsible
and is a treatment of many diseases.
Hence correction of wrong thoughts is a health
promoting activity. The role of great teachers in health promotion is to
identify wrong thoughts / false values / wrong assumptions present in the minds
of students and to correct them. As a student, we can try to correct our wrong thoughts
as our teacher guides.
I am aware it is not that easy as it looks now. But I
am very happy to understand the link between our thoughts and health and most
importantly to share it with you all. ๐
The definition of heath also includes spiritual dimension.
Maybe they wish to point out to this fact of thought correction?
I had this
realization since long but I felt like documenting it now. There is nothing
known as absolute freedom.
I used to
imagine that I am doing things which I do for more and more freedom. That is a
true thing. We do things to get more and more control over our own lives. It is
a human nature. Freedom is of most importance to us. But we should be able to
tell very clearly why we need a particular kind of freedom and what we are
going to do with the help of that freedom. I am not saying that we need to tell
to everyone every time. We need not share it with anyone but it should be clear
to us at least. Otherwise it becomes a struggle for our own dominance over the other
person(s). While that can be a necessity sometimes, that cannot be our ultimate
aim.
The problem with
that aim is that there is huge possibility that we will create injustice while
trying to dominate other people and then we will be the people from whom other
people need freedom! So once the person who was speaking for freedom will go
against the very basic principle of freedom only because he does not understand
there is nothing known as absolute freedom.
Freedom will always
have limitations. Then what we gain by gaining freedom? We push those limits further
every time. So that new limitations become visible and then we try to push those
limits too. There is a lot of fun in this process hence it is worth doing but
only by keeping this thing in mind that – There is nothing known as absolute
freedom!
Dr. Abhay Bang had suggested me his name to meet him and I was able to find him out only based on his name and was able to meet him at his home at Parel, Mumbai.
Will share more about him as time permits and as I understand more.
Just now I posted a comment about calorie restriction for weight reduction while replying to a comment. I think it will be useful for others who might not see that comment, hence posting the information below. Any questions are welcome. I am not an expert in it, but I will try to give answers based on my current knowledge. If I don't find answer, let's try to find out answers. But all the questions are welcome. Naidu sir had said once - "No question is a foolish question"
I have mainly reduced it by calorie restriction. It is such an interesting thing to know that our daily calorie requirement is 2000 KCal on an average and if we will create calorie deficit (for example taking only 800 KCal a day and in this way creating a deficit of 1200 KCal daily), body will use it's enegy stores, which are fats. When a deficit of 7000 KCal is created, 1 kg weight is reduced. So restricting the calories (not food) is the best way to reduce weight.
Science is about measurement, hence I make use of measurement as the biggest tool. I have brought kitchen weighing scale and I can precisely monitor the number of calories I am taking.
It is all game of calories as I understand it.
Exercise is important too but it is secondary to calorie restriction and I try to do it as per time and my mood. :P
It is extremely important to have some aim / goal in life. Without aim, the life becomes boring and our actions can even become destructive ourselves. We need not keep a very big aim always. Even a short, temporary goal will also do. But we need to make sure that we are following some aim all the time. It is also fine if we get failure while chasing it, but aimlessness is a very dangerous state of mind which needs to be handled very carefully.
We can further eat even if we are full. This only a human can do. Animals eat when they are hungry and then they stop as they are full. They have inborn understanding of when to stop eating. We too have this inborn sense. But we can neglect the real hunger and can modify our behavior at our will. This seems the real problem. As we 'can' eat more even if not needed, we do it sometimes and that can lead to increased weight.
But this need not be looked with pessimism. This ability to control our behavior presents new opportunities as it presents threats. Because having ability to control our behavior means that we can remain hungry at will as well. Which an animal can't do. So remaining hungry even when our body is demanding food is something which only a human can!
Last week, the BBC covered the latest development in our campaign to stop NHS homeopathy, revealing that the Royal London Hospital for Integrative Medicine will no longer be allowed to offer homeopathy consultations to NHS patients, effectively ending NHS support for homeopathy in the capital:
NHS homeopathy ending in London
A major centre of homeopathy will no longer be able to spend NHS money on the controversial practice.
The Royal London Hospital for Integrated Medicine – formerly the Royal London Homeopathic Hospital – will stop providing NHS-funded homeopathic remedies in April. Read more >>
Curbs on hospital linked to Queen over rule breach
The hospital where the Queen’s homeopath works has been banned from offering homeopathy to NHS patients for disobeying health service policy.
An audit found that the Royal London Hospital for Integrated Medicine had been wrongly charging the alternative treatment to taxpayers. Read More >>
The decision to end NHS homeopathy at the facility is no surprise to us – we have been tracking spending on homeopathy in the area since 2014, when we were told by 17 London CCGs that they had no way of knowing how much of their funding was being spent on homeopathy (though we subsequently came to estimate the spend to be around £3m per year).
During the last four years, we discovered that each of the CCGs in the city had a policy which prevented funding from being spent on homeopathy, yet we were aware that the RLHIM was certainly treating NHS patients with homeopathy. To try to get to the bottom of things, we wrote to CCGs in London encouraging them to investigate whether their policies were being breached at the RLHIM.
Partly as a result of our encouragement, in April 2017 NHS Camden CCG undertook an audit of 100 of their patients at the Royal London Hospital for Integrative Medicine. The audit found significant non-compliance with their policy on complementary medicine, with 41 out of the 41 homeopathy treatments tracked by the audit breaching the policy.
As a result of the audit, the CCG reiterated that the RLHIM was not to treat any NHS patients with homeopathy – bringing to an end the homeopathy service at the facility, and across London as a whole.
The end of homeopathy in London is a major milestone in our campaign to stop NHS homeopathy, and has taken many months and years of our work to understand NHS policies, write to CCGs and health bodies, make Freedom of Information requests, liaise with media outlets and more. If you feel, as we do, that this work has been worthwhile, you can sign up to make a one-off or monthly donation to Good Thinking, and help us keep our work going.
With the end of homeopathy in London, following our previous successes in the North West of England and our ongoing project to have the Department of Health add homeopathy to the NHS Blacklist, only the Bristol and Glasgow regions continue to spend NHS resources on these ineffective treatments. Our attention, and our campaign, turns to those cities next.
We like to thank all the people who gave us help and support in our campaign so far – including Bindmans LLP, Alan Henness from the Nightingale Collaboration, Prof Edzard Ernst, Skeptics in the Pub groups around the country, and the many supporters of evidence-based medicine who follow our work. With your support, we can bring NHS wastage on homeopathy to a close, and help make sure that limited resources are spent more effectively.
A major centre of homeopathy will no longer be able to spend NHS money on the controversial practice.
The Royal London Hospital for Integrated Medicine - formerly the Royal London Homeopathic Hospital - will stop providing NHS-funded homeopathic remedies in April.
Homeopathy is based on the idea that "like cures like", but scientists says patients are getting nothing but sugar.
Campaigners said the move was "hugely significant and long overdue".
How homeopathic pills are made
Image copyrightSPL
Homeopathy is based on the concept that diluting a version of a substance that causes illness has healing properties.
So pollen or grass could be used to create a homeopathic hay-fever remedy.
One part of the substance is mixed with 99 parts of water or alcohol, and this is repeated six times in a "6c" formulation or 30 times in a "30c" formulation.
The end result is combined with a lactose (sugar) tablet.
Homeopaths say the more diluted it is, the greater the effect.
Common homeopathic treatments are for asthma, ear infections, hay-fever, depression, stress, anxiety, allergy and arthritis.
The NHS itself says: "There is no good-quality evidence that homeopathy is effective as a treatment for any health condition."
The Royal London Hospital for Integrated Medicine has a long history with homeopathy. It was founded as the London Homoeopathic Hospital in 1849 by one of the first doctors to practise homeopathy in Britain.
But now patient leaflets say: "From 3 April 2018, the Royal London Hospital for Integrated Medicine (RLHIM) will no longer be providing NHS-funded homeopathic remedies for any patients as part of their routine care."
The hospital is run by University College London Hospitals NHS Trust.
A spokeswoman for the trust said: "No NHS funding will be spent on homeopathic medicines at the RLHIM."
It is just the latest clampdown on NHS homeopathy.
Simon Stevens, the chief executive of NHS England, has described homeopathy as "at best a placebo and a misuse of scarce NHS funds".
The Good Thinking Society, which has campaign for the NHS to stop spending money on homeopathy, said the latest move was "hugely significant, and long overdue".
Its project director, Michael Marshall, told the BBC: "This move means that London has now joined the vast majority of the country in consigning homeopathy to the history books.
"The only areas of the UK still wasting money on these disproven treatments are Bristol and Glasgow.
"Hopefully, sensible decisions will be made in those cities too, and we can finally move away from throwing limited NHS resources at these ineffective treatments."
Last week, the BBC covered the latest development in our campaign to stop NHS homeopathy, revealing that the Royal London Hospital for Integrative Medicine will no longer be allowed to offer homeopathy consultations to NHS patients, effectively ending NHS support for homeopathy in the capital:
GETTY IMAGES
SPL